Undesired Memories

The Visit:
14 years old, no longer a boy; not quite a man. The beginning of the insecure years, that time when a young human is very fragile. He sits at home watching nothing on TV (no cable) just commercials. His step-father is the only other person home. Ding Dong...the door bell rings. The boy greets the two policemen at the door, apprehensive of the reason for their visit. They ask for a parent and the step-dad is paged. The boy goes back to the TV as the men enter the kitchen to talk. He thinks about turning the TV down so he can eavesdrop, but something inside him cautions against it; so he just sits there speculating on the reason for their visit.

The conversation ends and the cops leave. The boys older brother arrives sometime later. His mother comes home and the step-father spends a long time conversing with her outside the back door. She looks confused and worried; he seems very matter of fact but their words do not reach the ears of the young lad. What seems like forever goes by and someone else arrives at the home; the pastor from their church. Very unsuspected. Everyone is in the living room now. Apparently there is bad news for the boys...

Speculation:
Tuesday, February 5th, 1991; perhaps around 4:30pm when he got off work. A man has reached his limit in life. Stress has overwhelmed him to the point of collapse. He knows not what to do or who to turn to. He was always so quiet and unwilling to talk about his feelings. He parks his car on the side of the highway and...

Reality:
...children should not have to deal with the death of a parent. Unfortunately, death is part of life. Everyone is in the living room when the news reaches the young ears of the two teenage boys...Confusion sets in on the youngest. He sees his brother cry, his mother cry; the tears come reluctantly. Thoughts pierce his brain,
"Why are you crying!!?"
"Aren't I supposed to?" he answers himself silently.
"I don't know!"
He cries so they won't suspect that he actually doesn't feel like it. He doesn't feel...
The pastor leads in prayer. The boy resents him for being there during this time. He's not part of the family and I hardly know him...so out of place. Someone asks how the father died. The answer is provided...they didn't want to know, but they know. Someone asks why. There is no answer to provide. 17 years later and still no answer.

The days go by and the pain is surreal. The funeral comes and realization sets in stronger for the youngest son. The casket is carried out, the two sons Pallbearers; leading the march in his Class A Army uniform a supposed "friend" of the deceased in reality his betrayer.

7 guns, three shots, and a flag...The Vietnam Veteran father is laid to rest.

As the years go by the boy finds many chances to take advantage of the state of mind that society would believe him to be in. He should be depressed, a little out of control. That's what they want, that's what he gives them. Rebellion seems fun when you have an excuse.

His rebellion led to drugs, alcohol, partying, promiscuity. This led to betrayal by a "friend", realization that he was buying the party and his "friends" weren't true friends. This realization comes as he lays on an iron balcony in the French Quarter doped up on enough hallucinogens to kill a rat. Death is knocking at his door along with the devil; they are both laughing. Rebellion...this time rebellion leads to redemption.

He returns home, the prodigal son and gets a job at Meijer...
The rest of the story is written on the hearts of a man and a woman...he was a grocery stock clerk and she was a waitress...

Even undesired memories have a purpose with Christ, they make up our testimony for Jesus.

The Present:
That young boy is now a man and a father. He stifles anger and regret now and then that arises towards his father. Why didn't he get to know him better when he was around? The boy should have spent more time with his father. He loves him to no end. So many things he could have been taught. He goes to war twice and comes home twice (praise Jesus)...his dad was a Veteran. He kicks his car trying to figure out how to fix it...his dad was a mechanic. He has a car for the demolition derby, and not a clue where to start...his dad competed for 16 years. The list goes on but nothing can change. He is stronger now...Jesus never leaves him.